Welcome to the first topic everyone. I’m a parent and so this goes deep with me. I was bullied at school, so this goes deep with me. So now you know, this is personal. Some might say let it go. But the actions you walk past are the actions you accept.
So let us see what the actions are. A child taunts another child. A child hits another child. A group of children taunts a child. A group of children hits another child. Rare but it has happened at the school of my daughter. A child has taunted a number of children and worse still has hit multiple students.
Who is at fault? We all are. Why? Because we accept it because we don’t want to get involved. Why? Because the system set in place by the government punishes parents who act. The system set in place by the government punishes teachers who act. Parents and Grandparents make up the largest voter base in the country. And yet we are so divided that we can not make our voices heard. Why? Because we are divided on the issue.
What is the issue? Some parents, a minority, are parents of bullies. Some see that their kids are bullies and they either like what they see, or they just don’t care. Some are totally oblivious and think that their kid is an angel. Most parents think that their child is not being bullied and so they say or think “Oh that’s terrible.” And then do nothing! Some parents know that their kids are being bullied. Most of those are experiencing feelings of helplessness. Most are trying to do something. Some just pull their kids out of the school because that is the only legal course of action left to them. This can NOT be right.
So let’s just think of the consequences of the status quo. Currently kids can bully and nothing can be done to stop it. They can do what they want and nothing can be done about it. If they get caught hitting another kid, they get reprimanded. Maybe their parents might get a phone call. Hmmmmm, tough stuff. The bully has really learned his/her lesson. Well done everyone, problem solved. Time for a round of well-deserved back slapping.
Wait a minute. The problem is not solved. The kid has learned something. Yep, use physical force when no one is looking and you are safe as houses to make other kids lives a living hell. Unless of course, your parents where indifferent or applauded your actions then it is open slather.
Have we solved the problem? No. The problem is still there. How about we flip it around and see it from the side of the kid being bullied. Often but not always, the kid being bullied is one or more a group of things. Mainly they are different in one of many ways that an individual is. (Just a little side note. Since we all are individuals, we all are different. Hmmmmm. Maybe kids who are being bullied are those that are being themselves.) They have three options, take it on the chin, hit back or speak up.
Taking it on the chin means suffering in silence. Maybe an attentive parent might pick up on it. Quite often not. They might notice it but somehow they don’t act on it. I’m not in this position so I can’t say why this happens. Some parents just don’t notice. Possibly they think it is a puberty phase. Hitting back gets them into trouble while the bullies get away with it. Speaking up means breaking the unwritten rules of the playground as well as relying on teachers to actually do something about it. When the bullies get a slap on the wrist, this is not doing something about it.
Let’s look at the consequences of all three courses of action. Taking it on the chin. Maybe, just maybe the bully will find another target and the bullying will stop for a spell. Maybe not and the time at school becomes more unbearable as time goes on. Some kids survive school which is an achievement that never will be recognised. The scars however remain forever. Others are not so lucky and they wind up as a suicide statistic. Maybe just maybe the media gives it the standard lip service. “Oh, isn’t it a tragedy! Something must be done about it. Next up, a dog steals a car in the US and goes for a joy ride!” And all is forgotten.
The next option is that the person being bullied hits back. Which is exactly what Amy Jayne Everett or Dolly as she is also known did. After a while she decked the boy who was bullying her. What did the school do? Suspend her! What is the worse crime her, Bullying or being punched? Oddly enough I’ve experienced both. At school I was bullied and as an adult I was in a pub one day when out of the blue BANG! I was hit, actually head butted. It took me a few moments to gather myself but gather myself I did, and boy was I angry. The guys mates sprung in front of him and defused the situation very quickly. The fact that I was alone and he was with at least half a dozen, the odds were not in my favour. I walked it off. It took me two hours but the saving grace was another bloke who witnessed the whole thing. According to him, walking away was the best thing. Am I shattered and traumatised by this? Nope, I’ve had much worse done to me including being bullied. It was not a pleasant experience but I got over it very quickly. Violence is not a solution that permanently fixes a solution but in the short term it can stop someone in their tracks and be a pathway to dialogue. The only genuine way to a solution as long as all parties are willing to find a solution.
Lastly, speaking up. Sometimes the worst solution of all. Yes, as a kid I broke the unwritten rules of the playground. Why? The unwritten rules are fucked! Yep, a swear word for this one. The only swear word in the piece. Why? Because this is so not necessary. No one sat down and said, “yes, I agree to this.” Most of us don’t even know about it until we cross them. This is so moronically stupid. Worse still, these rules have invaded adult life as well. Whistle-blowers always have their lives ruined. Same rules, same stupidity. Who is at fault? Irrelevant. Who could fix the situation? (Much better) The government, sorry to our politicians, but the buck stops with you. Unwritten or not, you are the rule makers. Your actions dictate the current situation. Only you have the power to change this.
So there we have it, three solutions currently open to our kids. None of them work. What is the cost of not doing anything? Dead kids. I’m not a fan of capital punishment. I’m one hundred percent against capital punishment for innocent parties. In fact, it might be a stretch here, but I would go so far as to say that this is murder. Legally and officially it is not. Supporting the bullies is basically going down the same path, murder. Supporting the victims of bullying. Where does this get us? Happier children, a select few receive more discipline, no suicides relating to bullying, satisfied teachers, and satisfied parents. Here is a leap, but we might even find down the track that we have better behaved adults with better protection for whistle-blowers and possibly even less for whistle-blowers to reveal to the general public.
Now, what would I say to my daughter if she was being bullied? “Stand up for yourself. Physically as a last resort. If one hit is all it takes to stop the bullying, then you stop yourself at one hit. Never hit more than is absolutely necessary. I will back you to the hilt.” Why would I advocate this course of action? It is unfortunately the only way to keep her safe. This is the only method that works to prevent bullying. Who could change this? The government. Support our kids who are being bullied and this will not be necessary.
So, let’s hear from you.
Removing the wool 